When you are with your adult kids, some things you say, some things you don't. The art comes in knowing the difference.
Here is what you have to work with:
They have already picked up many of your own quirks. (In most cases, "quirks" is an euphemism for "bad habits"). So first of all, be very sobered that what you see is a caricature of who you are.
Second, you were raised in a cultural context they were not raised in. For example, I have often noticed that parents "with money" have kids who do not have the same disciplined attitude towards money their parents have. The kids throw it around a lot easier. When you see this happening -- that is, if the problem is only a cultural one -- usually the art is to shut up.
Third, it is amazing how God entrusted you with kids in the first place. Remember what a jerk you were back then? Now, couple it with this: I have already learned that some of my objections to the way my grown kids have handled things have turned out to be tools God used to grow them in sanctification. So, again, usually the art is to shut up. God will take the jerkiness out of them too, in his time.
Fourth, the real challenge is to know how to relax in God in the midst of being with your adult kids. I know men who are good at this; I am not one of them. I usually think of myself as a kid; this is not a good thing when you are with your adult kids.
You are a father, act like one. Aah but what does this mean?
That is also where the art comes in. Because in the spiritual economy of things -- which is really the economy of how all things work -- fathers have an enormous influence on their kids, young or grown, just by being there. And most of us underestimate this fact.
Being there.
So, fear God. And live with your concerns in the balance.
Now go to the McDonald's and buy him a No. 1 (while he's still sacked out) -- even though his company is paying for this trip.
Logos2Go
Psalm 128.3b-4 ... your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord.
When with your adult kids, some things you say, some things you don't
Posted by
David Wang
May 14, 2009
2 comments:
David,
I enjoyed this one as the father of nine! I certainly see the good, the bad and the ugly magnified in them. I have a couple that are particular challenges - not they they are the challenges - I am the one challenged by opinions that don't match mine!
I try my best to stay quite and be a better listener. And of course I pray for them a lot - all of them. It's too big a job to do without Him.
Corollary: When with your grandchildren, say everything you can!
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