This is the question.
It is a question I'm asking myself more and more these days before, well ... before saying anything.
In almost all kinds of conversations or conversations-to-be, I've come to appreciate the consequences of ... saying nothing.
It's a variation on: Just Say No.
Here's the variation: Just Don't Say It.
For example, in committee meetings at the office, if you say it, chances are you'll DO it. You just may become the chair of a sub-committee. This is not a good thing.
Or out of concern you share what you think to be a constructive insight about a friend's approach to things. And now your friendship is on the fritz.
Or for the sake of pleasantries you say to relatives: "Hey, come again!" And now they're actually coming again ...
Our culture places an enormous premium on Saying It versus Not Saying It.
Speak Up! This is one of the mantras of our culture.
On the other hand, not speaking up is held in lower esteem. You may be seen as a wallflower. In some venues silence is almost regarded as a disease.
But consider all you have to do today; all you must face up to; all the problems on your plate; maybe even all the people you hope you don't bump into ...
How much of all this is because, at some point, you chose to speak up rather than shut up? You were just on your way, minding your own business. But then ...
You spoke up. And now you've got this mess on your hands.
Just yesterday I walked by my boss's office -- I was on the way to the men's room. "Hey," I thought, "this'll be a good time to tell him I'm taking on Project X ... I'll just let him know after my pit stop ..."
But in the men's room an insight came to me: "What if I don't tell him I'm taking on Project X? How about waiting until Project X actually shows promise before telling him anything?"
So I went back to my office without saying a word.
Do you know how many meetings I just saved myself from attending?
The feeling I got from this Non-Intervention Into the Percolation of Events was a pleasant one.
But for most of us, silence is almost never golden. At best it is an acquired taste.
Logos2Go
Ecclesiastes 5.2 Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.
Job 5.7 Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward.
James 3.4-6 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.
To say or not to say?
Posted by
David Wang
May 5, 2010
2 comments:
You forgot Proverbs: He that keepth his mouth, keepth his life; but he that openth wide his lips, shall have destruction.
This I committed to memory long ago and it has served me well...when I choose to employ its service.
My only concern with your sage silence advice is that it is quite impossible to develope meaningful relationships by mearly staring at one another. I have been trying to encourage one of my children to be more curious with others; hence to speak, question, talk in order to build bonds. Silence does not seem to be a building tool. True, adding voice to an opinion can be a destructive weapon but relationally, the best silence seems to achieves is stalemate.
Certainly a good comment, Leslie. Let me speak up about it. Or, put another way, let me say this about that:
I thought long and hard about the point you made while writing the post: silence can't be the answer to everything. Look at what happened -- or didn't happen -- in China, where the Taoist attitude (for example: one grows old in one village without ever conversing with people in the next village ...) -- where the Taoist attitude held sway among the common people for centuries. It didn't get them all that far. SO, yes, we need to speak up by walking in the light with our brethren. It is just that, along with this, we need to be sober and realize that much of what we think to be light might not be light at all, and would be better kept under the hood of our own counsel ... (Thanks Leslie; all of this is in part for fun. Look forward to our next book club meeting when we can talk to our hearts content...)
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