runt of the litter / head of the house

I was the runt of the litter: younger sibling to my can-do sister; youngest of four cousins under one roof.

Once everybody got new stamp collecting albums -- except me; I got one of their used ones.

The pain lasts a lifetime.

The runt of the litter. At birth, they thought I was stillborn, so they tossed me aside to tend to my mom. That's what they did. So, hey, every day is a miracle.

My only point here: all my life, I was never in a decision-making role. I was always on the receiving end of other people's decisions.

Part of me likes that. Even now when we're driving two cars, I'm comfortable following Valerie home.

Another part hates it. I'm probably more resentful than I should be of how other people's decisions affect me.

Put that together now with this: decades later I'm the head of a household. The head; that would be the Biblical view.

And that would be my view: I am father to three sons; husband to one wife; spiritual covering to them all.

But I am sensitive to this: it is tough making decisions.

The other day over greasy onion rings Valerie said this about her surgeon: "Boy it was so good for Dr. Oliva to have just said, 'Now, here is what we're gonna do.'" She was referring to the time she had post-op bleeding at 2am. A call to Dr. Oliva: "Valerie, what's going on? ... yes ... how much flow? ... right ... hmmm ... Okay, here's what we're gonna do..."

I wish I can be like that: Here's what we're gonna do.

What's it like to see life in that way? To handle it in that way?

Here's what we're gonna do about YoYo.

Here's what we're gonna do about buying a truck.

Here's what we're gonna do. Here's what we're gonna do. Here's what we're gonna do.

Me, I tend to see possibilities rather than propositions; perambulations rather than precisions; I write on how the aesthetics of the Catholic theologian Hans Urs von Balthasar can be adapted to Reformed Theology. I see that pretty clearly.

They shoulda gotten me a new stamp album too.

But that's not what they did.

Logos2Go

1 Samuel 16.10-11 Thus Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel. And Samuel said to Jesse, "The LORD has not chosen these." And Samuel said to Jesse, "Are all the young men here?" Then he said, "There remains yet the youngest ..."

1 Timothy 3.5 ... for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?